The last few months I have been having so many beautiful, insightful, and wonderful conversations on the concept of “finding yourself.” Together, we have been uncovering the layers and unpacking the things that are holding you back. Learning how to step into your story and own your path as you discover your purpose. We just finished up another round and it could not have been more insightful.
Part of this conversation of finding yourself is speaking your truth, finding and owning your voice, and having the courage to speak it.
So story time… I've been pretty open with people and on social media that I'm in the process right now of dating a lot and putting myself out there in the world in that part of my personal life. It's bringing a lot of amazing, fun, great experiences. Dating kind of has this way of bringing everything about yourself to the surface.
A couple of weeks ago, I was on a date. We had a good time. Fun guy. We got into a situation where he wanted to take things a bit further physically than I wanted to. I stood up for myself and expressed my boundaries. His response amazed me.
He was shocked that I would stand up for myself and say what I said to him. He said to me, “Wow, I can't believe how confident you are to say this to me.” He was a good guy and respected it and that was good.
But it made me think that men must not hear this very often.
His response and the shock he experienced when I spoke my truth was important to me. It made me feel like men must not hear this very often. It broke my heart because it took me back to three years ago when I was in a similar situation and I didn't say what I wanted. I felt like I couldn't say what I wanted. And ended up finding myself in a situation that wasn't what I wanted to experience.
I’ll never forget the next day feeling so angry at the guy, until I stepped back and realized I was upset with ME because I hadn't spoken my truth. I hadn't stood up for myself. I hadn't said what I wanted.
When we don’t speak up when we want to… a part of ourselves dies.
It got me thinking about the path that I've been on over the past three years of finding my voice and getting to this confident place.
What did it take to become the woman that this man said, “wow, I can't believe how confident you are.” What would I say if I could go back to the girl that didn't dare speak up? What would I tell her?
I would tell her two words: 1) courage and 2) consistency.
Because that's how confidence is born. Confidence doesn't come from just a one-time doing something scary and then all of a sudden we're confident. It takes doing something over and over and over and over again… consistent courage.
So if we want to find the courage to speak up and speak our truth, in any situation, we have to be courageous and we have to be consistent. We have to do these things over and over again. We have be willing to be vulnerable, be willing to make messes, be willing to make people upset. In order to speak our truth, we have to get over the fear that people won't like it.
We can't get physically stronger if we don't work our muscles. And it's the same thing with courage. And the same thing with confidence. And the same thing with using our voice. We have to do things continually. It's really a process of exercising that courage muscle by just doing it,
JUST DO IT. I really don't know if there's a way to develop courage besides owning our fears and just doing it.
What are your fears? Why are they holding you back? What do they create in you? When you begin to recognize those things you can THEN step past them and move forward. And everything changes. When you do the work, you will look back two years from now and say, oh my gosh, I just did something that the old me would never have been able to do.