If you are part of our community here, you are probably aware that this has been a theme of the past couple months…Finding Yourself. Why? 1) because it’s been a big focus of my own personal journey of the last few months and 2) because I believe it is the core of being truly happy and at peace.
This post is dedicated to a very special woman that I met recently. She is a powerful woman and incredible musician and a few of her songs have deeply touched me this year, including one titled, “I Find Me.” (Lotus Sky, Chris Espiritu Dolendo) I’m going to use her lyrics to this song to get the point of this post across.
“I traveled far away.
I traveled mountains just to find me.
I hurt and broke my heart.
I split my soul apart just to find me.”
There was a moment a couple of months ago when I realized, after years of searching, exactly when in my life I had abandoned myself. The moment when I completely stopped listening to my intuition, stopped trusting myself, and stopped believing in my ability to make empowering decisions for my life.
When I was a teenager I stayed in a relationship that was not good for me. I remember so many times wanting to end this relationship, but being scared. Being scared of what he would do. Being scared to be alone. Being scared to try something new.
There were a lot of years of frustration and heartache and pain.
I stayed in that relationship I was unhappy in for 8 years and eventually married the guy, only to end up divorced and badly hurt just a year later.
I tossed and turned for YEARS in college trying to decide what I wanted to do, changing my major what felt like 100 times, and never feeling complete or certain.
After graduating, I moved from job to job, from city to city, fearing commitment and never feeling fulfilled or complete in my life, always searching for more.
The feeling underneath all of this was that there was a giant gaping hole that nothing could dill and I couldn’t the life of me figure out what was wrong with me.
I heard the phrase to lose yourself in the service of others, and I do think this is a large part of the puzzle in finding yourself. Other people act as a mirror. Literally every person we come in contact with is a teacher. For years I isolated myself, thinking I could do it alone. I couldn’t. When I look back now the path to finding myself is strewn with all of the people that came along as teachers in my life, even some that were incredibly painful.
“And you, you came along and put up a mirror, you put up a mirror.
And you came along and you came so strong and wrapped your arms around
As I pull myself from the ground
And I found me. I found me.”
There is a moment when you get to look into yourself and fully see yourself for who you truly are, every single piece of you. You get to recognize every part of your story, every terrible thing you’ve ever done, every incredible thing you’ve ever done. And you get to love yourself. All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. And that is the moment that you find yourself.
While it was incredible to realize the core of those feelings and when they originated, it was even more incredible to recall all of the work that I’ve done and continue to do to reclaim myself and my voice and my power. The work that I have done to bring me to the place I am now where I know EXACTLY who I am and what I want to create in the world.
“And when my inner hero came
Went back to the wake of my grave just to find me.
I stood before the mountain that called and remembered all the pain that she brought when she found me .
She showed me the way.
And all of my teachers what have you brought me?
And it’s not over, it’s never over
Because every time I take a step forward, that’s when I find me.”
I spent 1/2 of my life completely alone because I had abandoned myself. And a couple of years ago when I began the process of waking up it felt like a lifeboat had been sent to me. There are so many moments. So many moments when I look back now that were part of the journey of waking up. Relationships, heartbreaks, painful moments, 100 mile biking adventures, cross-country moves, tears, laughs, angry outbursts, so many moments of uncovering just who I was and who I am and how all of that fits together.
I finally found me.
Growing, always unfolding.
I am strong enough, I release the pain.
I am strong at heart, let the healing start.”
I want to be that lifeboat for you. I want to walk through this process with you to reclaim YOU. Because I don’t want it to take you 10 years, a failed marriage, or any other big price that it took me. I want you to reclaim yourself right here and right now so that you can wake up to the JOY that is right here waiting for you.
Click the link below to CLAIM YOUR FREE CLARITY CALL with me today. I can’t wait to speak with you, get to know you, hear about your dreams, and connect with how YOU can reclaim yourself and start living YOUR joyous life. Because this is now. You get to find YOU.
**Please go to the video below to listen to this incredible song. It’s beautiful and powerful and I know you’ll love it as much as I do. Thank you Chris for sharing your voice.