I'm not enough.
I've had enough.
I am enough.
This is the process we work through on our way to being enough. As I've spoken to women over the course of this year AND as I've continued to do the work on myself, this is the base of every single limitation we have in our lives and it's super prevalent in women. We believe at our core level that we are not enough.
Not skinny enough, not strong enough, not rich enough, not pretty enough, not kind enough, not talkative enough, not confident enough... there are 5 million different iterations of this, but they all boil down to not being ENOUGH. We can spend YEARS walking around not feeling enough and it effects everything in our lives. Everything. And it sucks.
The beautiful part is that lack of self-love is learned and when we come to that realization there's magic in the knowledge that we can also unlearn it.
For so many years I have wondered what is the cure for this? How will I ever feel like who I am is enough? The honest answer is that it's a lifelong journey. And like our muscles if we stop practicing our self-love we lose ground and have to work to gain the confidence back. BUT it is so worth the work.
The world quite often reflects back to us our own feelings about ourselves. We actually decide how people are going to treat us and this is the reason why we usually finally find ourselves in the I've HAD enough phase. I've had enough of feeling inferior, of being passed over, of feeling small, or being taken advantage of, of feeling scared, or of giving your power away. We get sick of letting unpleasant emotions rule our lives. This phase is often times characterized by passion and bursts of anger because we are taking control of our life, and if anyone has a problem with that, TOUGH.
This is the space I have found myself in for most of this year. Not that I've spent every second of the year being angry, but I have had a lot of moments of I don't give a f***. And that's actually been liberating. I have always cared too much, no, WAY too much about what other people think and making sure everyone else is taken care of above myself, and that's always left me feeling pretty unhappy. I have had some good learning experiences this year of handling this phase appropriately, because it is still important to be kind towards others, but coming through this phase has lead to toxic relationships being escorted out of my life, new jobs found, and new-found self-respect embraced.
This is the place where we start to feel free.
When we feel like we are enough we feel it inside. People don't need to like us, we are more resilient to shame, and we're not afraid to show our weaknesses. We cease to resist life and let it flow naturally.
So how do we move into the place of
I am enough?
One of the practices that I have adopted is having a power pose. This can be anything you want. And it may seem silly at first, but IT WORKS. Pick a pose that makes you feel powerful. It can be something big or it can be something simple, just as long as it makes you feel strong. Mine is something I can do when I just need to snap myself out of my head. When I'm triggered by something that makes me feel small I do my little, barely noticeable power pose and snap myself out of it.
The key to visualization is to see things as you would have them be instead of how they currently are. And I mean this in the way you view yourself. Visualize yourself standing tall, feeling confident, and whole. When you find yourself in a situation where you start to feel like not enough, visualize how you want to see yourself handle things. It works. Studies have shown that teams that just simply sat in the locker room and visualized their performance did just as well as teams that were actually out physically practicing. It works.
PRACTICE VULNERABILITY AND AUTHENTICITY
Part of learning that we are enough is through practicing vulnerability and authenticity. My favorite, Brene Brown, says, "Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be emotionally honest, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable." What does being vulnerable look like (besides really scary sometimes)? Vulnerability looks like asking for what we need, admitting when we're afraid, being honest about our feelings of sadness especially when others expect us to be happy.
There are some risks to being vulnerable, which is why it can feel so scary... some of these include, people might not like us, we might lose a relationship if people feel we have changed. BUT... the BENEFITS are so much greater!
BENEFITS of FEELING ENOUGH
- let go of the stress of trying to be enough
- relax instead of wondering how we can keep up the pretense of who we feel we are supposed to be around others
- people show us respect
- we make room for the people who love us for real
- we form deeper, more authentic, and meaningful relationships
You are worth finding. You are worth knowing. You are worth loving.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
I AM ENOUGH.