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Courageous Speaking Up

The last few months I have been having so many beautiful, insightful, and wonderful conversations on the concept of “finding yourself.” Together, we have been uncovering the layers and unpacking the things that are holding you back. Learning how to step into your story and own your path as you discover your purpose. We just finished up another round and it could not have been more insightful.


Part of this conversation of finding yourself is speaking your truth, finding and owning your voice, and having the courage to speak it.

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So story time… I've been pretty open with people and on social media that I'm in the process right now of dating a lot and putting myself out there in the world in that part of my personal life. It's bringing a lot of amazing, fun, great experiences. Dating kind of has this way of bringing everything about yourself to the surface.

A couple of weeks ago, I was on a date. We had a good time. Fun guy. We got into a situation where he wanted to take things a bit further physically than I wanted to. I stood up for myself and expressed my boundaries. His response amazed me.

He was shocked that I would stand up for myself and say what I said to him. He said to me, “Wow, I can't believe how confident you are to say this to me.” He was a good guy and respected it and that was good.

But it made me think that men must not hear this very often.


His response and the shock he experienced when I spoke my truth was important to me. It made me feel like men must not hear this very often. It broke my heart because it took me back to three years ago when I was in a similar situation and I didn't say what I wanted. I felt like I couldn't say what I wanted. And ended up finding myself in a situation that wasn't what I wanted to experience.

I’ll never forget the next day feeling so angry at the guy, until I stepped back and realized I was upset with ME because I hadn't spoken my truth. I hadn't stood up for myself. I hadn't said what I wanted.

When we don’t speak up when we want to… a part of ourselves dies.

It got me thinking about the path that I've been on over the past three years of finding my voice and getting to this confident place.

What did it take to become the woman that this man said, “wow, I can't believe how confident you are.” What would I say if I could go back to the girl that didn't dare speak up? What would I tell her?

I would tell her two words: 1) courage and 2) consistency.

Because that's how confidence is born. Confidence doesn't come from just a one-time doing something scary and then all of a sudden we're confident. It takes doing something over and over and over and over again… consistent courage.


So if we want to find the courage to speak up and speak our truth, in any situation, we have to be courageous and we have to be consistent. We have to do these things over and over again. We have be willing to be vulnerable, be willing to make messes, be willing to make people upset. In order to speak our truth, we have to get over the fear that people won't like it.


We can't get physically stronger if we don't work our muscles. And it's the same thing with courage. And the same thing with confidence. And the same thing with using our voice. We have to do things continually. It's really a process of exercising that courage muscle by just doing it,

JUST DO IT. I really don't know if there's a way to develop courage besides owning our fears and just doing it.

What are your fears? Why are they holding you back? What do they create in you? When you begin to recognize those things you can THEN step past them and move forward. And everything changes. When you do the work, you will look back two years from now and say, oh my gosh, I just did something that the old me would never have been able to do.

And you’ll feel confident.

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Let It Happen

A little while back I was scrolling back through my Instagram account (do you ever do that?) reminiscing over the experiences I’ve had over the last couple of years. I came across a post that said, “MAKE IT HAPPEN.” And I began to think about how that has been my proudly born motto for the last few years.

As I have started my business, moved from city to city, traveled solo, sought employment to make ends meet, fought cancer, and everything in between that has been the go to thought, “MAKE IT HAPPEN.”

However, I have undergone some major training this year which has caused my heart to undergo some major softening. I have learned more about the magnificence of the feminine energy and how wonderful it feels to live in that space. I have learned about receptivity and how we cannot really truly give if we don’t know how to receive. I have begun making my way through the waters of dating after YEARS of independence and being alone. And I have learned that in so many areas of life MAKE IT HAPPEN just doesn’t work.

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So… I am shifting my focus to a more “let it happen” perspective and I wanted to share that with you today. Does let it happen mean sit back and just wait for things to come to you? Not really. I still truly believe that without intention and action we cannot achieve or attain our hearts deepest desires, however it’s more about the BEING than it is about the DOING.

Doing is a busy energy. Do you ever feel like you are running around with your head cut off, utterly exhausted, and still feeling like there is not enough time in the day to get everything done?

OR do you ever feel like your mind will not shut off. Like you have a hamster wheel going around and around in your head and you just can’t seem to slow down and get a grip? I used to have these many times, especially during the night… I related them to having an anxiety attack… until I learned how to control my mind and calm my brain down.

This “hamster wheel” if you will is a ruminative state of mind that we can refer to as the “doing” mode.

The job of this mode is to get things done-to achieve particular goals that you have decided to set. These goals could be something external that you need to DO—make a meal, build a house, or travel across the country—or to your internal world of self—to feel happy, not make mistakes, stop being anxious or depressed, or be a good person.

When we are in this “doing mode” we will constantly find gaps between how things are and how we think they should be or how we wish things to be. That is the job of our brain. To keep us safe, happy, and surviving. However, dwelling on how things are not as we want them to be can create an even further negative mood. In this way, our attempts to solve a “problem” by endlessly thinking about it can keep us locked into the state of mind from which we are doing our best to escape.

Again, does this mean that we should not want to feel happy, not make mistakes, stop being anxious or depressed, or be a good person?? Of course not. As human beings we always desire to progress, have more, and BE more. It is the human condition and I believe this drive for progress and evolution is our greatest strength. It is the thing that MAKES US HUMAN.

So how do we do this while maintaining a state of BEING and not just DOING? The answer is in one word… PRESENCE.

Presence, or “being mode” could be described as the mind having “nothing to do, nowhere to go” and can focus fully on moment-by-moment experience, allowing us to be fully present and aware of whatever is here, right now.

It is “accepting” and “allowing” what is, without any immediate pressure to change it, aka “LET IT HAPPEN.”

For a recovering DOER like me it can feel incredibly scary and uncomfortable. What do you mean I can’t just text the man I want to date?? I have to wait for him to contact me?? Well how is anything going to get done then? This is just one of the many “DOING/MAKE IT HAPPEN” thoughts that I have been learning to shift. (Can you relate?)

Doing mode involves thinking about the present, the future, and the past, relating to each through our concepts and perception. Being mode, on the other hand, is characterized by direct, immediate, intimate experience of the present.

So… how do we become more present? How do we step more fully into the peace-filled mode of BEING? Below are just a few ideas to get you started…

  1. Identify the moment. Stop right now. Take a deep breath… what is happening around you. What do you hear? What do you smell? What are you not even noticing?

  2. Make mindfulness part of your daily routine. Yoga, meditation, just 5 minutes of uninterrupted time to let thoughts rise to the surface.

  3. Just listen… without intending to respond. You have no idea how good this feels until you have tried it or been on the receiving end of just being heard.

  4. Be okay without knowing everything-relinquish control. When anxiety starts to take over because you don’t know all the answers or because you feel out of control, breathe, relax, and get back into the present moment.

  5. Listen to your body - it is ALWAYS telling you what you need. Are you taking care of your physical self?

  6. Recognize your feelings for what they are… just feelings. What are they telling you about your inner state?

  7. Have personal daily rituals. Do you love your cup of tea in the morning? Make it a special moment you can take for yourself. Do you love watching the sunset? Make is something you step outside to enjoy every night.

  8. Get away from the screens. Have time in your day to unplug. We live in a world where there is so much constant noice all around us. Just unplug for a minute and see how you feel.

  9. Have balance between planning and flowing. Are you a planner like me? Can you not handle not having everything on your schedule and see to always be thinking about what you’re going to do next. Practice flowing. Practice not knowing. It gets easier with time.

  10. Reflect. Take time to reflect on your day. What are you grateful for? That mind that is always trying to “fix” everything. Just remind it how great things already are.

BEING is such a beautiful state to be in. When we focus on the things we already have the universe knows what more to give us more of. When we take time to receive and be we allow the things that are meant for us to come to us and the things that aren’t to drift away.

As I have shifted more fully into this mode, (and I still have a long ways to go, believe me!) I am realizing how calmer I am, how much more peace I feel, the hamster wheel doesn’t visit me in the night, my anxiety attacks have stopped, and I am so much quicker at shifting myself out of need to know and need to control mode. As I practice letting things be and am practicing attracting what is meant for me to flow.

And it feels like happiness and freedom. And feels so so good.

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I’d love to hear your comments below about how you can practice “being mode” more in your life and how good it feels when you just “LET IT HAPPEN.”


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Interior Design Musts.... Fall Edition

So…. it’s been a minute since I’ve shared any interior design tips on here… and if there’s one thing that I’ve learned in the last few months it’s that along with all of the limiting beliefs work and the personal development… the most important thing is to take time to DO THINGS YOU ENJOY and HAVE FUN doings things that LIGHT YOU UP.

When we surround ourselves with beautiful things that light us up we are even more motivated to improve our inner selves and see each moment with clearer eyes.

Also… fall is my favorite time of year… and I LOVE holiday decorating. Anyone else do a happy dance when they walk into Target and see the holiday stuff getting set up… oh it makes my heart sing.

 photo from @lifewithjordans

photo from @lifewithjordans

Sooo…. Today I wanted to share with you 5 Basic Design Principles that will keep you sane… with a fall flair.

Believe it or not, space doesn't feel good if it doesn't follow these keys. You won't know what it is, there will just be something off. So check off these steps below to make sure your home feels good!

1. Variety vs. Repetition -

 photo from @homewithhollyj

photo from @homewithhollyj

When designing a space, you want to create variety or repetition. Variety can be a collection of things that are not alike in some way. For example, a collection of vases that are all different. Or a bunch of frames on the wall that are all different. You want the collection to make sense and be cohesive, but having variety within that collection makes it interesting and is pleasing to the eye.

Repetition, on the other hand, is repeating the same thing over and over; so 3 vases that are exactly the same all in a row on a table. Or 5 picture frames that are exactly the same on your wall. We like things we can expect so having something repeat itself can be a relief to the eye.

The key to this principle is BALANCE. Mixing and matching areas with variety and repetition so you keep things interesting.


2. Rule of Odds-

 photo from @justbeingcon

photo from @justbeingcon

We are drawn to things that are unexpected or different, which is why this principle is so important. And it is one of the main principles that creates a noticeably uncomfortable feeling when not followed, even to the design deficient. haha. When placing accessories on a table, flowers in a vase, frames on a wall, or whatever your space may be, you must use the rule of odds. Place things in groups of 3 or 5. Try it. Go over to your couch and put 3 pillows on the couch. Now add one and make it 4. Feels weird right?




3. Mix Materials, Textures, and Sizes-

 photo by @debrosse_nyc

photo by @debrosse_nyc

Again, we like things that are unexpected or different, so keep things interesting by mixing materials, textures, and sizes. This creates contrast and is pleasing to the eye. There are so many materials to choose from... wood, metal, glass, metallic, matte, shiny.... you name it. Also, don't be afraid to mix colors, as long as they compliment each other. (Check back next Wednesday for a special post all about color!)



4. Shape, Rythm, and Balance-

 photo by @southernmotherhoodmag

photo by @southernmotherhoodmag

Shape, Rythm, and Balance refer to the way things are placed together. Spacing plays a big role in this. If you have an entry way table and are going to place a large vase on one end, you will need to have something of similar weight on the other end. You can do this in SO many ways. Put a large frame on the wall to balance it out. Or place a collection of differently shaped items on the other end. The items don't have to be the exact size, just make sure the "weight" feels the same. This creates balance. This one really is about playing around with placement until it "feels" right.

A test you can do is called the "blurry-eye" test. You arrange the space the way you want it and then stand back and squint your eyes so that everything is blurry. If it looks like the two ends are the same, then you've done it right!  


5. Break all the Rules-

 photo from @fiddleleafinteriors

photo from @fiddleleafinteriors

The last rule is to break all the rules! ha! Like I've said over and over, we like things that are unexpected and different and that create surprise, so do what feels good.

AND don't think too hard. Don't worry too much about making your pillows perfectly mismatched. Just throw em on. They usually look better that way.

I hope these ideas spark your mind with some fun things you can do for fun in your home for the fall holidays. I’d love to see any of your final products in the comments or in the LIGHTER AND BRIGHTER TRIBE FACEBOOK PAGE. Come join our community and share your home photos of the fun you are having in fall.


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Limiting Beliefs... and How to Overcome Them

What is a limiting belief?

We all have them, they were either created by us, created by those that have/had influence on us, or created by the culture/environment we grew up in or are in currently.

These beliefs create your perspective or the way you VIEW YOUR WORLD. Think about that for a second, you are seeing the world through YOUR lens of beliefs. So everyone is walking around seeing their own version of reality? YEP!

The most powerful thing you can do to change your life is to change your lens. You do this by really looking at your belief systems and making sure they are leading you where you want to go, because the truth is, you can have anything you desire.

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3 years ago I was in a rough place. I had moved to Las Vegas for a job opportunity and you know what, life was pretty good, except I couldn't see it. I had a great job where I had responsibility and influence and was making decent money, I was living in sunny year-round Las Vegas, I was living with 2 great girls who were amazing friends, and I should have been very happy.

Except I wasn't.

I spent an entire year doing just about nothing besides going to work and coming home to lay on my couch and watch Netflix for the rest of the night before I would go to bed just to wake up and do it over again. I felt numb and unhappy, lost, angry, and alone.

Have you ever felt this way? Have you ever felt so down that you could barely find the energy to do anything?

Finally a dear friend asked me if I would like to do a free coaching session with her and she opened my eyes to the concept of limiting beliefs.

WOW. Life Changed.

I was walking around believing that I wasn't smart, unique, or creative. I was looking at life through the lens that no one will like me or want to hear my thoughts and ideas. I was going through the motions and not living life fully because I believed I was a timid and shy person and therefore couldn't go forward and create new relationships.

I want to cry when I think back to the girl who truly believed these things. I did the work to turn these limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs and that has made all the difference. I started looking for proof in my life that I was creative, inspiring, smart, and unique. I started expressing gratitude for the mind that I have and the powerful tool that it was in creating new ideas and started acting with courage to share them.

Little by little I grew my confidence by reaching out to others and seeing how they responded. And my beliefs changed.

Now, sometimes, when life throws some hard things my way these old limiting beliefs rear their ugly heads, it takes a lot to truly reconfigure your mind. But all I have to do is remember the work I've done on these beliefs and again begin to look for the proof that they are not true and things become clear again.

"Our only limitations are those we set up in our own minds." -Napoleon Hill

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So... how do we overcome these limiting beliefs that sometimes seem so engrained into our minds?

There are 6 fairly simple steps that if you follow, you will begin to see the difference in your life. Now... I'll be honest with you, this is not a quick fix. This is not something you sit down in an evening and work through and all the sudden feel brand new. As I just shared, the process of rewiring your mind can take years or decades. but don't let that discourage you.

Little by little, day by day, focusing on the empowering beliefs and looking for the proof of them, your mind will change and when you look back you will not even recognize yourself.

Yep, it's that powerful.

Steps to Overcoming Limiting Beliefs...

Step 1. Get Clear on What you Really Desire.

Step 2. Identify Your Limiting Beliefs

Step 3. Question the Belief and Disprove it

Step 4. Let Go of the Limiting Belief

Step 5. Rewrite Limiting Belief into new Empowering Belief.

Step 6. Strengthen Empowering Belief

So... there's just a quick overview of the steps. If you'd like a PDF worksheet and short presentation to help you understand this concept better and help you work through these steps (believe me, you want this freebie!), just enter your name and email below and it will be on it's way to your inbox!




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What's Your Vision?

Do you have a VISION for your life?

Have you discovered YOUR purpose?

I'm sure you have ideas and goals and bucket lists and dreams (I know this because we're kindred spirits in that way.)

But do you have a VISION?

This was a question I asked myself a few years back. 4 years ago I graduated from Utah State University with literally NO CLUE what I wanted to do with my life. Everything that I had ever thought I wanted to do no longer felt right.

Is this you?

Believe me, I GET IT.

I know what you're going through, because I've been there too. For YEARS I struggled with finding my purpose and creating a vision for my life. Changing my major in college 500 times (okay, maybe just 10-20 times, but still), never feeling fulfilled, having relationships not work because I wasn't being true to myself. I didn't know who I was. Running from pain, going from job to job trying to fill the void, moving to different cities all over the country trying to find my place and never feeling like I quite fit in and always knowing that there was something more.

Finally, came the REALIZATION and then came the RUMBLING. It took a lot of work, but I have experienced a TRANSFORMATION.

I HAVE FOUND MY VISION.

I could feel the universe calling me. An idea led to a plan, which led to support, which led to finally finding the courage to jump! And that jump has made all the difference. So many times, believe me, I have doubted myself and the little girl in my head says, "What are you doing? You can't do this, no one is going to want to hear your message. You are alone." She also sometimes says, "You can't try this. You will fail. People will think you are crazy." But guess what I realized?

That little girl is wrong.

Man, if I listened to that voice I would not be here now! I wouldn't have ever left my old life to chase my dreams. I would never have met all the wonderful people and had the amazing experiences that have brought me to this place right now. I would never have learned how amazing it feels to take a risk in the right direction and then feel the universe push me along. There came a point where I knew what I wanted but I didn't know how to get there. I am so glad I listened to the voice that told me I needed help.

Acting on the prompt to invest in myself was telling the universe that I was READY!

Are you feeling stuck, numb, lost, and confused? Are you overwhelmed, know you are destined for more, and just don't know how to make this amazing new life you are dreaming of a reality? If this sounds like you, won't worry about it! I'm here for you!

RIGHT NOW YOU ARE STUCK IN A COMFORT ZONE. BUT YOU WANT OUT.

NOW IS THE TIME.

So how do you discover your purpose and create your vision?

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Here are the 7 steps I followed in discovering this for myself and how YOU CAN DO IT TOO!

Step 1. CHILDHOOD INFLUENCES

Some people believe that our society and childhood upbringing do not influence who we are today, but that is simply not true. They DO influence who we are to the deepest level. That doesn’t mean that past experiences can’t be worked through and moved on from, but recognizing how your past influences who you are today is the first step in finding your purpose.

Another thing that seems to come up here is that there are some people who have a specific talent that is so extreme that it is easy to detect that they were truly “made” to do it. For the rest of us, determining what we were “made to do” can be a little less obvious. Part of the reason our natural skills and abilities are not obvious is because most of us are influenced by our families and society to follow paths that we’re “supposed” to do. Our roles, careers, hobbies, and relationships are often chosen for us more because of our conditioning or because we feel we “should” rather than because they are a fit for who we truly are. I put off looking into interior design programs for years and years mainly because I didn’t think my parents would think that career was “scholarly” enough. Not until I finally took off the masks I had been wearing because of who/what I thought I was “supposed to be, did I finally come to manifest my purpose.

Step 2. Personality

Personality is the set of descriptive terms which are used to describe an individual. Gordon Allport said, “Personality is the dynamic organization INSIDE a person… characteristics, patterns of behavior, thoughts, and feelings.” What do you value? What makes you tick? How do you prefer to work? How do you relate to your world? Investigating your personality can be so powerful.

There are so many tests. I’d suggest you take one. My favorite is the 16 personalities Test. Look it up and take it, I promise it will give you some clues. And maybe you won’t agree with everything. Take another one. There are color tests, the enneagram… try them all and pull the things you agree with because while these tests are great starting points, you are unique and cannot be placed into a little box. But they will give you insights and I bet you will agree with more than you think.

Step 3. Passions and Interests

In life, there are things we just absolutely LOVE to do. There are things we naturally feel drawn to. There are activities we lose ourselves in when we experience flow. When thinking about your passions and interests, ask yourself, what did I enjoy doing as a child? What do I do in my free time? If I could do anything, I would… fill in the blank. When do I feel energized? When do I feel “lost” in what I’m doing, when the world seems to melt away? Look into the things that fill you up. That bring you joy. That you just love doing.

Step 4. Talents and Skills

There are things we are innately good at. That we have had inside us since birth. These are our talents. Look into those things. And think outside the box. Not all talents are the most visible to the naked eye. Some are less obvious. If you are having a hard time seeing your talents, ask your family and friends. I promise they will be able to fill you in on what you are not seeing yourself.

Skills, on the other hand, are something you develop. So, when thinking about your purpose, don’t get caught thinking that just because something doesn’t come naturally to you doesn’t mean you aren’t meant to do it. There are some things in anything you will do that you have to learn. I am naturally good at listening and helping people find solutions. However, I am not so good at figuring out how to embed code into my website. If I would have stopped when everything didn’t come naturally, I wouldn’t have made it here.

Step 5. Life Changing Experiences

Life is so complex that we sometimes miss patterns or circumstances that have truly influenced us because we are so focused on getting by or thinking about the past or future. However… nothing is a coincidence and things happen for a reason. When trying to find your purpose, look back over your life, what things stand out? What experiences have been especially meaningful to you? What has your life been focused on? See any themes? Have you been being guided the whole time? Maybe you are right at the cusp of your mission, being prepared all along the way.

Step 6. Eliminating Limiting Beliefs

Limiting Beliefs are behind every fear, frustration, and obstacle. I am so passionate about this subject because I struggled with limiting beliefs my entire life until I discovered this. And it's still a process, believe me. In order fully discover your purpose, you must pull the plug on limiting beliefs and empower yourself with new empowering beliefs. This takes time and effort, but it is SO worth it. You have to believe you can do anything. Because you can.

Step 7. Clarify Your Purpose

Combine everything you’ve learned along these 7 steps and move in a direction. What direction are you being pointed? Sometimes we have to take a few steps before we know if it feels right. You have the power to rewrite your story. Don’t like where you’re headed? The direction you’re going in doesn’t feel, right? CHANGE!

Give yourself permission to change your mind. To experiment. That’s the beauty of this path of discovery. It’s a journey. You can enjoy the process.

And Always remember… You can have anything you truly desire.

You can DISCOVER your PURPOSE and DESIGN your VISION.

Need help? Want to talk it out? Feeling lost, confused, or frustrated? Click the button below to book your free discovery session. I'm excited to talk to you!

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