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Letting Go = Freedom

A while back I was scrolling back through my Instagram account (do you ever do that?) reminiscing over the experiences I’ve had over the last few years. I’m pretty happy with what I did with my 20’s. I came across a post that said, “MAKE IT HAPPEN.” And I began to think about how that has been my proudly born motto for the last few years.

As I have started my business, moved from city to city, traveled solo, sought employment to make ends meet, fought cancer, and everything in between that has been the go to thought, “MAKE IT HAPPEN.”

However, I have undergone some major training over the last year which has caused my heart to undergo some major softening. I have learned more about the magnificence of the feminine energy and how wonderful it feels to live in that space. I have learned about receptivity and how we cannot really truly give if we don’t know how to receive. I have begun making my way through the waters of dating after YEARS of independence and being alone. And I have learned that in so many areas of life MAKE IT HAPPEN just doesn’t work.

So… I am shifting my focus to a more “let it happen” perspective and I wanted to share that with you today. Does let it happen mean sit back and just wait for things to come to you? Not really. I still truly believe that without intention and action we cannot achieve or attain our hearts deepest desires, however it’s more about the BEING than it is about the DOING. 

Doing is a busy energy. Do you ever feel like you are running around with your head cut off, utterly exhausted, and still feeling like there is not enough time in the day to get everything done?

OR do you ever feel like your mind will not shut off. Like you have a hamster wheel going around and around in your head and you just can’t seem to slow down and get a grip? I used to have these many times, especially during the night… I related them to having an anxiety attack… until I learned how to control my mind and calm my brain down.

This “hamster wheel” if you will is a ruminative state of mind that we can refer to as the “doing” mode.

The job of this mode is to get things done-to achieve particular goals that you have decided to set. These goals could be something external that you need to DO—make a meal, build a house, or travel across the country—or to your internal world of self—to feel happy, not make mistakes, stop being anxious or depressed, or be a good person.

When we are in this “doing mode” we will constantly find gaps between how things are and how we think they should be or how we wish things to be. That is the job of our brain. To keep us safe, happy, and surviving. However, dwelling on how things are not as we want them to be can create an even further negative mood. In this way, our attempts to solve a “problem” by endlessly thinking about it can keep us locked into the state of mind from which we are doing our best to escape.

Again, does this mean that we should not want to feel happy, not make mistakes, stop being anxious or depressed, or be a good person?? Of course not. As human beings we always desire to progress, have more, and BE more. It is the human condition and I believe this drive for progress and evolution is our greatest strength. It is the thing that MAKES US HUMAN.

So how do we do this while maintaining a state of BEING and not just DOING? The answer is in one word… PRESENCE.

Presence, or “being mode” could be described as the mind having “nothing to do, nowhere to go” and can focus fully on moment-by-moment experience, allowing us to be fully present and aware of whatever is here, right now.

It is “accepting” and “allowing” what is, without any immediate pressure to change it, aka “LET IT HAPPEN.”

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Doing mode involves thinking about the present, the future, and the past, relating to each through our concepts and perception. Being mode, on the other hand, is characterized by direct, immediate, intimate experience of the present.

So… how do we become more present? How do we step more fully into the peace-filled mode of BEING? Below are just a few ideas to get you started…

  • Identify the moment. Stop right now. Take a deep breath… what is happening around you. What do you hear? What do you smell? What are you not even noticing?

  • Make mindfulness part of your daily routine. Yoga, meditation, just 5 minutes of uninterrupted time to let thoughts rise to the surface.

  • Just listen… without intending to respond. You have no idea how good this feels until you have tried it or been on the receiving end of just being heard.

  • Be okay without knowing everything-relinquish control. When anxiety starts to take over because you don’t know all the answers or because you feel out of control, breathe, relax, and get back into the present moment.

  • Listen to your body - it is ALWAYS telling you what you need. Are you taking care of your physical self?

  • Recognize your feelings for what they are… just feelings. What are they telling you about your inner state?

  • Have personal daily rituals. Do you love your cup of tea in the morning? Make it a special moment you can take for yourself. Do you love watching the sunset? Make is something you step outside to enjoy every night.

  • Get away from the screens. Have time in your day to unplug. We live in a world where there is so much constant noice all around us. Just unplug for a minute and see how you feel.

  • Have balance between planning and flowing. Are you a planner like me? Can you not handle not having everything on your schedule and see to always be thinking about what you’re going to do next. Practice flowing. Practice not knowing. It gets easier with time.

  • Reflect. Take time to reflect on your day. What are you grateful for? That mind that is always trying to “fix” everything. Just remind it how great things already are.

BEING is such a beautiful state to be in. When we focus on the things we already have the universe knows what more to give us more of. When we take time to receive and be we allow the things that are meant for us to come to us and the things that aren’t to drift away.

As I have shifted more fully into this mode, (and I still have a long ways to go, believe me!) I am realizing how calmer I am, how much more peace I feel, the hamster wheel doesn’t visit me in the night, my anxiety attacks have stopped, and I am so much quicker at shifting myself out of need to know and need to control mode. As I practice letting things be and am practicing attracting what is meant for me to flow.

And it feels like happiness and freedom. And feels so so good.

If you’d like more on how to find personal freedom through doing the thing that you love, grab the FREEBIE by clicking the image below. This is a 5-part video series going over my BE BRAVE method. See you soon!

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Shift your Lens... Change your LIFE.

We all have limiting beliefs.

They were either created by us, created by those that have/had influence on us, or created by the culture/environment we grew up in or are in currently.

These beliefs create your perspective or the way you VIEW YOUR WORLD. Think about that for a second, you are seeing the world through YOUR lens of beliefs. So everyone is walking around seeing their own version of reality? YEP!

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The most powerful thing you can do to change your life is to change your lens. You do this by really looking at your belief systems and making sure they are leading you where you want to go, because the truth is, you can have anything you desire.

Four years ago I was in a rough place. I had moved to Las Vegas for a job opportunity and you know what, life was pretty good, except I couldn't see it. I had a great job where I had responsibility and influence and was making decent money, I was living in sunny year-round Las Vegas, I was living with 2 great girls who were amazing friends, and I should have been very happy.

Except I wasn't.

I spent an entire year doing just about nothing besides going to work and coming home to lay on my couch and watch Netflix for the rest of the night before I would go to bed just to wake up and do it over again. I felt numb and unhappy, lost, angry, and alone.

Finally a dear friend asked me if I would like to do a free coaching session with her and she opened my eyes to the concept of limiting beliefs.

WOW. Life Changed.

I was walking around believing that I wasn't smart, unique, or creative. I was looking at life through the lens that no one will like me or want to hear my thoughts and ideas. I was going through the motions and not living life fully because I believed I was a timid and shy person and therefore couldn't go forward and create new relationships.

I want to cry when I think back to the girl that truly believed these things. I did the work to turn these limiting beliefs into empowering beliefs and that has made all the difference. I started looking for proof in my life that I was creative, inspiring, smart, and unique. I started expressing gratitude for the mind that I have and the powerful tool that it was in creating new ideas and started acting with courage to share them. Little by little I grew my confidence by reaching out to others and seeing how they responded. And my beliefs changed.

Now, sometimes, when life throws some hard things my way these old limiting beliefs rear their ugly heads, it takes a lot to truly reconfigure your mind. But all I have to do is remember the work I've done on these beliefs and again begin to look for the proof that they are not true and things become clear again.

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"Our only limitations are those we set up in our own minds." -Napoleon Hill

So... how do we overcome these limiting beliefs that sometimes seem so engrained into our minds? There are 6 fairly simple steps that if you follow, you will begin to see the difference in your life. Now... I'll be honest with you, this is not a quick fix. This is not something you sit down in an evening and work through and all the sudden feel brand new. As I just shared, the process of rewiring your mind can take years or decades. but don't let that discourage you. Little by little, day by day, focusing on the empowering beliefs and looking for the proof of them, your mind will change and when you look back you will not even recognize yourself.

Yep, it's that powerful.

Steps to Overcoming Limiting Beliefs...

Step 1. Get Clear on What you Really Desire.

Step 2. Identify Your Limiting Beliefs

Step 3. Question the Belief and Disprove it

Step 4. Let Go of the Limiting Belief

Step 5. Rewrite Limiting Belief into new Empowering Belief.

Step 6. Strengthen Empowering Belief

So... there's just a quick overview of the steps. If you'd like to go deeper then watch your inbox this week for your opportunity to step into Courage to Be School, Summer Semester, and begin shifting your life!

What one of my clients said about how doing this work changed things for her… “Oh my goodness. It's so amazing once you lift your limiting beliefs. Looked at a job that I wanted, but saw no way of it happening. Didn't think I was enough before. I applied for it yesterday and they asked to schedule an interview today. Club manager for fitness gym! Who would have thought? I'm so excited I put myself out there and believed in myself and rewrote my beliefs in myself! Wanted to say thank you. I would have never gone for it without your program. One step closer to my dream. “ -Bonnie

What do you say? Is there something you’re dying to try? Are you ready to go from dreaming to believing?

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Life Goes Like This

Life Goes Like This….

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Anyone else feel that way?

You think you have it all planned out. You think you know exactly what is going to happen to you and then, bam! things change, you get sick, you change your mind for the 500th time, you learn something new, you meet someone exciting, you fall in love, and the list goes on and on.

This past month has been an interesting one for me. While I have been having the experience of falling in love for the first time in a long time, I have been hearing from friend after friend where hard things are being endured. Marriages enduring separation, adoptions being denied, brain tumors being found and being given weeks to live. And all of this has caused me to reflect on how we just don’t know what life has in store for us.

Tomorrow could be the worst day of your life of the best day of your life.

We just don’t know.

A good friend once said to me, "I am always making plans, but never expect them to work out." I love that. We have to plan. We wouldn't get anywhere if we didn't, but a lot less heartache comes when we learn how to embrace the unexpected, take opportunities when they come, and accept that life is messy.

It is a series of twists and turns that just makes life all the more interesting and exciting.

Sometimes it can get frustrating when you have an end goal or something in mind that you really really want to have happen, and you can see it in the distance, but it seems the road to get there keeps getting more and more long and twisty. There are several things in my life that seem this way; my business, finding a meaningful relationship, finding peace with my body, just to name a few.

We are all a work in progress. :)

So... how to do we remain calm and connected to our goals and dreams when it feels like we are on a windy road of the scenic route to who knows where?

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Staying Connected to our Goals and Dreams...for the long haul.

1. Begin with the End in Mind -

Start every goal or project with a vision of exactly what you want to have happen. What does it look like. What will it feel like to accomplish or attain that thing? What does it smell like? Imagine every aspect of it clearly in your mind. Write it down. Make is so real you can feel it.

2. Create a Road Map -

Nothing gets done without a plan, and although we will expect the road map to change, get longer, and have detours, without the plan we will never begin. So flex your pro-active muscles and outline the steps it will take you to reach your goal.

3. Plan for the Unexpected -

The best way to cope with unexpected set-backs is to plan for them ahead of time. While making your road map, think about the possible things that may set you back and then create a plan for how you will deal with them.

Maybe your goal is to learn how to play the guitar--so think about the things that may set you back... sore finger... no time to practice... no money to buy a guitar... now how will you cope with these? Making a practicing schedule so you make the time and don't overdo it? Making a plan to save money to buy a guitar, checking out your local thrift store for deal.

Maybe your goal is to find your dream relationship-- what are the things that may set you back? dating woes... break-ups... introducing them to family... there are so many (and I'm familiar with them all! haha)... so how do we cope with these? Knowing ourselves and how we handle break-ups, self-care, self-care, self-care, sustaining other relationships through the process.

We don't want to plan to fail, but we do want to have a strategy in place for set-backs so that we don't get completely derailed when things go wrong.

4. Concentrate on One (sometimes baby) Step at a Time -

I don't know about you, but every once in a while I catch myself laying in bed and instead of concentrating on the beautiful destination I'm working so hard to get to, I start thinking about all the things that will need to happen in the middle and that usually leads to an absolute anxiety attack. For reals.

The trick here is once you have created a plan and figured out your coping mechanisms for the unexpected, then set them aside and focus on where you are RIGHT NOW. Take one step at a time and don't even allow yourself to think about what's next until you're ready to move forward. Be unavailable to overwhelm and be present in your current situation. (easier said than done, especially if you're a planner like me, but YOU CAN DO IT!)

5. Celebrate the Little Things -

And then last, but NOT least, CELEBRATE THE SMALL VICTORIES along the way. When things do go the way you want them to, celebrate it! When things go wrong and you conquer the unexpected, celebrate it! When part of the process is taking far longer than you wanted or expected, celebrate where you are and find gratitude in all that you do have!

Remember...

"Everything worth having is worth working for and waiting for."

It will work out in the end. Stay the course, no matter how long or twisty the way. Embrace the unexpected, take opportunities when they come, and accept that life is messy. It is a series of twists and turns that just makes life all the more interesting and exciting. But what is waiting at the end of that twisty road is completely worth it.

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10 Keys to a Happier Space

Your interior space plays a huge role in the way you feel. I mean, you spend a large majority of your time there. It's where you eat, where you sleep, where your play, where you relax, where you entertain; it's where you LIVE. Below are 10 Keys to a happier space, one that allows you to celebrate you and not just live, but actually feel replenished and ALIVE INSIDE.

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1. Create an experience. This is your space. What do you want it to say? What story do you want it to tell? Do you want your space to feel like an adventure? Do you want it to be calming and quiet? Do you want it to be bright and exciting? Make your space tell whatever story you want to be part of. P.S. Every room can tell a different story, just make sure there is some sort of cohesion.

2. Declutter for a clean and contained space. Clutter = Mess = Stress. In order to bring more happiness into your space, declutter and make sure your space is clean and contained. Throw out things you do not need, things that are broken, and things that you have not used in the past 6 months (or 6 weeks - I promise, less stuff = more happiness). With the stuff that remains, create organization and contain the space using containers, trays, baskets, and bins.

3. Prioritize comfort.  Do you have a chair that is modern and sleek, but so uncomfortable that you never sit in it? Get rid of it! If you want to feel comfortable at home, comfort should be a top priority. Fill your space with soft things, blankets, pillows, and soft furniture. Use different patterns and textures of these items to bring variety into the space.

4. Treat your home like it's made to be lived in. While cleanliness brings happiness, let yourself off the hook a little and don't stress too much about things being perfectly in order 100% of the time. I always said that when visitors came over I wanted them to know that we were a family that enjoyed eating together, playing games together, and doing things together and so it would be okay if there was a little proof of these things happening in the home.

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5. Create Inspiration. Use your space to inspire you, whatever that looks like for you. Showcase favorite quotes, bring in patterns that mean something to you, showcase family heirlooms that remind you of family traditions and heritage. Decorate with photos of loved ones and cherished memories. Make your space the place that lights you up and lifts you higher.

6. Showcase your personality. Showcasing your personality is a great way to make your space happier. Celebrate you! Display personal collections you have, things you like to do, and objects that bring you joy. If you love to travel, display globes or a map with flags of all the places you've visited. You like football? Showcase your favorite teams and pictures of yourself and friends playing. Bring YOU into you SPACE.

7. Use color that shows how you want to feel. Colors have a tendency to bring different emotions, and they aren't necessarily the same for everyone. White may feel clean and refreshing to one person and may feel boring and cold to someone else. Yellow may feel bright, homey, and happy to one and to another may be overbearing. Pick colors that go well together and feel good to YOU.

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8. Use lighting to your liking. Natural lighting is a great way to bring more happiness into your home. It is proven that sunlight brings happiness. Put chairs next to windows and use window coverings that can be easily drawn to allow light in. If the space doesn't allow for natural lighting, accessorize with chandeliers and lamps that add personality and bring joy to the space.

9. Use mirrors to elongate and brighten space. Making a space feel bigger can make the space more enjoyable to be in. Using mirrors are a great way to make a space feel bigger and brighter.

10. Bring the outdoors in. Last but not least, bring the outdoors in. Plants add personality, feeling, and brightness to any space as well as making the air quality better. Hang pots from the ceiling, plant an herb garden in your kitchen, or plant a succulent garden in a pot for your bedroom. If you don't have much of a green thumb, don't worry, there are plenty of ways to make fake plants look real and bring the inviting calm that greenery does into the home.

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No matter where you live, your space is your comfort zone, the place you should feel safe and secure, the place to come back to yourself when the outside world beats you down. Whether you own or rent, have a house, an apartment, or a studio in the city, whether you have an entire house to call your own, or just a bedroom, you can incorporate these 10 keys into your interior space to chase the gloom out and bring the happy in.

Comment below what makes your space HAPPY!

P.S> All photos from @apartmenttherapy.

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Get Curious and Explore

When was the last time you went somewhere you had never gone? Like actually stepped OUTSIDE and went somewhere? When was the last time you allowed yourself to explore? To get curious about the world around you?

According to NASA, and Google, humans explore because of an innate desire to learn about the world around them. The urge to explore was ingrained in the psyche so that human ancestors could find places that were abundant in food, water and other resources necessary for survival. Nowadays we have the ability to sit at our computer and pull up basically any place in the entire world and see it on our screens!

While I admit, that is freaking AWESOME, and I have spent my fair share of time exploring things I wish I could see from the safety of my computer screen, there is NOTHING that beats the rush, joy, and recharging capacity as getting outside and seeing something new.

Exploration wakes up the brain.

It ignites creativity. It usually involves some type of exercise which benefits every single area of your life. It opens your eyes. It heightens gratitude. It makes you more social. It gives you more drive to continue the work.

As you’re on your path, learning about yourself, discovering your purpose, and figuring out what makes you tick it is so important to be curious…. To get interested in yourself and what excites you. Just get out and explore. Because guess what it does.

It makes you feel alive.

So, in this endeavor of feeling lighter and brighter. In this endeavor to discover more fully your purpose. And on this endeavor to show yourself a little more love, get outside and explore. Even if it's just your own backyard. There are SO many things to see, learn, and do. Just get outside.

Oh... and while solo adventures can be the best medicine sometimes, taking people you love with you while you explore, makes the self-love degree even greater.  

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